Characters, in order of appearance:
The play is staged in the round. The lighting is soft, except for one spotlight, focused on the center of the stage. In the light stands a wooden chair. In the chair sits the husband, naked but for a pair of jeans. He is tied to the chair at his hands and feet with silk ties. He is gagged and blindfolded, and as the audience members file in and find their seats, they are shocked to see him. One by one they gasp and then fall silent as they stare at him. He is captivating.
Aside from the chair, the set includes a window, open to the night sky, a bed, an old-fashioned vanity, a large wall mirror, and a door. In one corner sits a laundry basket full of dirty clothes. From under the bed, the audience can see toys and children’s books spilling out.
(From beyond the closed door, children’s voices can be heard.)
Child 1 and 2: Goodnight, Daddy!
Wife: Come on, everyone into bed!
Children: But we want to say goodnight to Daddy! DAADDYYY!
(The audience laughs uncomfortably.)
Wife: No, Daddy is busy right now. Come on, I’ll tuck you in.
(Several more minutes pass, and the husband occasionally shifts in his seat. He seems to vaguely enjoy his situation. Finally the door opens and the wife walks in, dressed in jeans and a blouse. She shuts the door and locks it. From offstage, the sound of a baby crying can be heard.)
Wife: The kids are in bed. Shawn is still crying, poor thing. I read to him but he just can’t settle down.
(She walks to the vanity, picking up a black silk robe from the chair and placing it on the bed. She undresses, slowly and deliberately, even though her husband is blindfolded.)
Wife: How was your day today, sweetheart?
(The husband shifts in his chair, unable to answer but seeming to want to.)
Wife: Well, you will not believe what happened to me today, when I ran out to pick the kids up at school. I was walking by the park, and some bum was peeing! In the middle of the park! In the sunshine! Can you even believe that? I mean, that is what Starbucks and the library are for. Really…
(She is now in her bra and panties, black lace showing off her gorgeous body. She walks to the mirror and looks at herself, turning from side to side to see every angle.)
Wife: So, was I scared? That the guy might notice me? I mean I was right on top of him before I even saw him. And he had his pants open, dick in hand. My god. What if he had wanted me to look at him? (Ironically) What if he had wanted to rape me?
(The husband shifts uncomfortably in his chair, and makes an unintelligible noise. Meanwhile, the wife puts on her robe, leaving it open.)
Wife: Really, it is shocking, that amount of disrespect. What if Shawn had been running ahead? Can you imagine? But was I scared? Well, no. I was actually a little excited. Not turned on or anything, just invigorated to see something so completely out of place.
(She moves toward him, standing in front of him, inches from his face. She begins to rub her breasts against his face, through the lace, the gauze of the gag, the silk of the blindfold. Clearly, he is enjoying it.)
Wife: Enough about my day, sweetie. You’ve been so patient here, tied to your chair. Now it’s your turn.
(She reaches down and rubs his cock through his jeans until he is hard. The audience tenses.)
Child 1: (Knocking) Mommy! Mommy! I need a drink. (Audience laughs.)
Wife: (Quietly) Damn, hold on a minute, sweetie. (Louder) Alright! Just a minute. (She ties her robe and unlocks the door.) Come on in. You can get a drink of water in our bathroom. (Child 1 walks through the room without commenting on her dad. Water runs in the bathroom.)
Wife: (Under her breath.) Damn. (Audience laughs. Husband squirms and thrashes.)
Child 1: (Walking through the room to the door.) Goodnight, Daddy. I love you, Mommy.
Wife: I love you, too. Sleep tight. (Hugs the child and shuts the door, locking it. Audience laughs. Then she returns to her husband’s lap. She kneels before him and unzips his pants. Her body mostly blocks the view from the audience. She strokes his cock with her hands until he hardens again, and then she sucks him. Husband enjoys it.)
Wife and Husband: (Moans)
(Audience is itching with embarrassment. They can’t see much, but it is clear what is going on. Here and there, a laugh. After a few minutes, it is clear that the husband has an orgasm. Someone from the audience slams the door on the way out. The rest of the members are riveted.)
Wife: (Smiling) Wow. That was great. Are you ready for me to untie you?
Wife: Here you go, sweetie. (Unties him, removes the blindfold and the gag.) Have some water. (She hands him a glass, then removes her robe and tosses it on the bed.)
Husband: That was fucking amazing, even with all of your yammering on.
Husband: Yeah. Now, get on your knees. (She immediately drops down. Audience laughs.) It’s your turn. (He ties the blindfold around her eyes, and then ties her wrists together. He lifts her hands over her head, then bends to kiss her.) I love you, baby.
Child 2: (Pounding on the door, crying) Daddy! Daddy!
Husband: Shit. Hold on. (Opens the door.) What’s wrong?
Child 2: (Grabs his dad around the waist in a hug. From the angle he is standing, he can see his mom, from the front.) I had a bad dream! (Audience laughs.) Daddy, what’s wrong with Mommy?