Maybe you don’t want to read this

I woke up this morning with a start, feeling bad. Why? And what was the “bad” feeling?

All of a sudden I remembered. Last night before bed, I posted a photo. Of me, my panties showing. Not only that, but I also twittered the link to several people.

None of them answered before I went to sleep.

So, my first thought this morning was, “Will they like it?” No. More. “Will they like me?”

And I had a few responses in my email. They were (mostly) positive.

But I still feel uneasy. Why?

First: I am not an attention whore. Not really. I’m just not that into begging you to pay attention to me. That’s not my project here. I like sharing with you. If you want to look, read, participate, cool. If not, that’s okay.

Second: Mark is bugged about the panty photo. I’m not sure why, except that I shared it with some other (real) people. Is he jealous? Hurt? Angry? I can’t say. I’m not with him.

I can only say that a big part of my project is to push both of us out of the limits of our comfort zones. Comfort zones are safe and easy. Comfort zones are stagnant and they create illusions. Comfort zones are not sexy.

Each and every one of us ought to push ourselves outside our limits, just to see what else the world has to offer.

Jenna’s Attic is my space. I’m going to be real here, and I’m going to do what I like, within the limits of technology. I’m not begging for permission or approval. What I post here, I post for myself, because I like it on some level.

If I interest you, if I excite you, if I make you wonder, then please come back. Follow me. Be my partner in crime. But if not, then don’t. It’s no biggie.

2 comments

  1. Afemalefan says:

    I’ve been thinking about your post all morning and while no one but you can answer the question of why you feel uneasy I thought I’d throw out two questions to help you through your thought process.

    Is it our culture’s slut shaming and “nice girls don’t do that” mentality that is making you feel uneasy? If so, eff um. Or perhaps in pushing boundaries you pushed one and then decided ehh really not my thing. Then you could at least say I tried something new on to the next adventure.

    Love your blog, it makes me think!

    • Jenna says:

      Thanks a lot for your comment! I think it was closer to the second idea. In my alter-identity, I’m just very independent. Asking for approval doesn’t come naturally to me. But on second thought, I think it’s part of this process I’m going through.